The Big Move

Well, I did it.

I moved Owen into his crib in the boys' room for full time.

For the past two weeks I've been having him take some of his naps in the crib to get him used to it, and he never had any problems. Finally, for the last four days he's not slept in the Pack N Play we had behind our bedroom door even once, so it was time to put it away.

It is just as heartbreaking as it was with the first two kids. I don't know why, but I was sort of thinking that it would be easier, being that this is the third time I've had to do it, but no. My chest feels a little tight still, just knowing that even if I wanted to, now I can't even sneak him in in the middle of the night.

It makes me anxious.

We play music for the kids at night when they go to bed, and the baby monitor picks that up so easily because of the volume, that I can't have it turned up too loud or it keeps me awake, so I can't even hear him breathing through it.

That is one thing that keeps me calm at night, hearing him breathe across the room, or hearing the little noises he makes in his sleep, the gasps as he catches his breath, the squeaks from his dreams, or the rustling as he shifts position. These things may not seem like much, but without them I feel lost.

I know that it is so very important for him to be in his own bed, in his own room. I don't want to deal with the issues of trying to make this transition when he's 2 and screams and cries. We always agreed not to co-sleep or to let them sleep in our room for more than a few weeks in the beginning for exactly that reason, but how I wish I could!!

With Vin, since he was so sick for such a long time, he slept in our bed or just in our room in his bouncing seat quite frequently, because I was so afraid of him having a complication while he slept, and it's haunted me. Now, at 2 1/2 years, we still have kicking screaming fits when he tries to sneak into bed with us at night, or trying to get him to take a nap in his own bed.

It's torture.

I know it's for the best, both for us and for Oz, but that doesn't make it any easier.

I've made his crib into a cozy little nest for him, though. I've arranged a HUGE {made for a Cal King bed} soft fleece blanket so that when he lays in it, it cradles him like a nest. He sleeps in that when he sleeps on his sides. Next to "the nest" there is a {rather deflated, for safety purposes} pillow draped with a plush towel for him to sleep on his tummy. He prefers to have his legs tucked up under him, so when he's on the pillow, gravity helps keep his legs curled up, he loves it. It also helps to keep him from spitting up after meals.

Seeing that he sleeps so well in the crib helps a little bit. At least I know he's comfortable, and being comfy makes him happy.

Now all I have to do is find my happy place.

                 Oz sleeping in his "nest"